Joke: Akpors and the chinko medicine

CHINKO MEDICINE

PG 18+ (Reader's discretion advised)

Mr Akpors - a Nigerian tourist goes on a trip to China.

While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a consultant at the National Hospital Abuja.

The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, orders some tests and tells Mr Akpors to return in two days for the results.

Akpors returns a couple of days later and the doctor says:

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

Akpors looks a little perplexed and says:

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers:

"I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

Akpors screams in horror, "EWOOO!!! AMPU.... WETIN?! I want a second opinion please doc".

The doctor replies:

"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, Akpors seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims:

"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease".

Akpors says to the doctor:

"Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:

"Stupid docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", Akpors replies in relief.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Penis fall off by itself!"

Akpors fainted!

Funny pictures of Nigerian pals praying to turn water to petrol (ROFLWKMD)

They believe if Jesus could turn water to wine, they could do likewise by turning water to petrol....lwkmd..

Describe them in your own words abeg

ROFL!!! Micheal Jackson spotted in Oshodi inside danfo last week >> See funny photo>>

He was spotted when he wanted to buy a bottle of lacasera on his way to mush in *lolz*

Lmao! What's the future of these small girls practising big madam (hilarious photo)

Lolz... Funny brats imitating big girls... The future of Naija is unpredictable..lmao

Funny picture - Negative effect of asuu strike: Young student dressed as super man ready for action

Naija guys wont kill us ooo... If this guy were to have a test the next day, do you think he'll have time for all these yeye customization s he gave himself!!

Join us on instagram and twitter @naijacomedyclub

Hilarious Photo of Pres. Goodluck looking like a Jamaican (in dreadlocks)

Credits: www.informationng.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/funny_pix_5.jpg

#Rofl - Lady Shitting (Excreta) on the road while driving (funny photo)

Davido finally opens up about Iyanya bounced off his birthday party at Pavada lounge

Its no longer a news as the rumour about the kukere master bounced off davido's birthday party (which too place on the 21at of this month) went viral over the internet.. When davido himself was asked on twitter, he replied, "no such thing ever happened Dats my brother"
See the tweet below....

We sincerely hope all is well sha ooo
..

Joke: Since Asuu strike started! Hmmm

Since ASUU strike started, we haven't seen girl's dps in hotels and classy cars of 2013 that their father cannot even buy.. even PH Loading, Abuja on Point, party on my mind, paris is de best place for your shopping, Calabar was fun... Lol Everybody dey house. Una never see anything... Snap pictures for your house na make we know who be who or your papa flat boot mecerdes Benz 1989 model... Lol...No money for brazillian hair, all babes dey on washing & setting.. No more Shawarma... Na bons & akara... Una never see anything... Christmas don reach oooo....Una go barb punk this time..

Funny Akpos Photo: English class

Laugh out extremely loud: Has the lion read the script? (FUNNY PHOTO)

Director: We're going to release the Lion, it will chase you but it won't eat you, its in the script...
Akpos: Has the lion read the script?.lolz

Funny Joke: Akpos vs Policeman - Where do you live?

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and a policeman

POLICE: Where do you live ?
AKPOS : With my parents
POLICE : Where does your parents live ?
AKPOS : With me
POLICE: Where do you all live?…
AKPOS: Together
POLICE : Where is your house?
AKPOS : Next to my neighbour’s house
POLICE : Where is your neighbour’s house ?
AKPOS: If I tell you, you won’t believe me
POLICE: Tell me
AKPOS: Next to my house

Joke of the day:- Funny Akpos joke - Send Akpos Straight to the University

A female teacher was having a problem with Akpos in her class of 3rd grade.

Akpos said ‘M’am, I should be in 4th grade, i’m smarter than my sister & she’s in the 4th grade’.

The M’am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complaints & took Akpos to the Principal’s office.

She explained everything to the Principal who decided 2 test Akpos with some questions that a 4th grade pupil should know.

Principal: What’s 3 + 3?

Akpos: 6

Principal: 6 + 6?

Akpos: 12

& so on..

The Principal asked the boy many questions & Akpos got them right.

The Principal then asked M’am 2 send Akpos to 4th grade.

M’am decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.

M’am: What does a cow have 4 of, that I’ve only 2 of?

Akpos: Legs

M’am: What’s in your pants that you have but I don’t have?

Akpos: Pockets

M’am: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid?

Akpos: Coconut

M’am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes open really wide, but b4 he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.

Akpos: Bubble Gum

M’am: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to  get me up, I get wet before you do. What am

I?

Akpos: Tent

The principal was looking restless

M’am: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when u’re bored.

The best man always has me 1st n what am I?

Akpos: Wedding Ring

M’am: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When u blow me, you feel good?

Akpos: Nose

M’am: I’ve a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver

Akpos: Arrow

M’am: What starts with ‘F’ & ends with a ‘K’ & if you don’t get it, you have to  use your hand?

Akpos:Fork

M’am: What’s it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Akpos: Surname

M’am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible for making love?

Akpos: Heart

The principal heaved a sigh of relief & told the teacher, ‘Send Akpos 2 University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!

Akpos Joke: Blackberry Porsche

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his girlfriend, Joy.

Joy: Honey, do you still love me like before?

Akpos: Yes love! My love for you will never change.

Joy: That’s my honey. I want you to buy me something.

Akpos: Just name it, baby.

Joy: It’s just one BB porsche.

Akpos: No problem. Just find out the price and let me know.

Joy: It’s #350,000.

Akpos: Is it manual or automatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?

Joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It’s a phone.

Akpos: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it will have a fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe, shey?

Joy: Are you buying it or not?

Akpos: Please I am not oh! I can’t!

Joy: Helloooooo!

Akpos: Hiiiiiiiii!

Joy: Don’t even bother again. I’will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.

Akpos: Better still, call the President, he will be faster.

Joy:(sad, crying): ‘I’m going to delete you.

Akpos: Is your phone hanging, because I have deleted you since you mentioned Porsche.

Joke: Loolz!! Dull Akpos seeks admission into the university

Akpos traveled to Lagos after his WAEC result was out so that his Uncle will help him get admission into the University of Lagos to study medicine and become a medical doctor….

The following conversation happened between them:

Akpos: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get admission into the university these days except you are well connected…

Uncle: That’s true…

Akpors: Since you are connected, I came to ask you if you can help me get admission into the university after my JAMB….

Uncle: That’s true… am connected and I will help u….

Akpors: Thank you Uncle….

Uncle: You welcome…so how is your result, is it WAEC or NECO and how many credits did you get?

Akpors: Uncle, it’s WAEC, I had only two credits in agric and Yoruba language but I failed the rest…

Uncle: Well, that’s not bad… you can still be a doctor, not a medical doctor really but native doctor (babalawo)…
You will use your credit in agric in collecting herbs from the forest, and Yoruba language for incantations…

Hahaha! Incredible Nigerian Joke: First wedding night experiences

A mum was lucky enough to see her three daughters wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of them “After your weddings, text me your first night experience and don’t forget to text it in a coded way!”

After a week, the first daughter sent ‘NESCAFE’ in an sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent ‘BENSON’. Their mum, as a ‘soji woman’ picked up a tin of Nescafe and read from d label “fantastic till d last drop!” She also went to her husband’s pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it “Extra long, king size!” she thought aloud “not too bad for them at their age”

A few days later, her third daughter’s text comes in, “Arik: Lagos – Kano!”. So Mama calls Arik Air information desk to inquire about their Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, “Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!”

Mama throws herself in the air, lands, slumps and faints shouting…”Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)”

Must See: Funny but inspiring - bullet for Jesus

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.

The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, “Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!”

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, “All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service.”

Are you for God or you're against God??

Check out this hilarious photo - Why Akpos wants to Brazil for the 2013 world cup by fire by force

Funny akpos joke: Final exam at the police college >> Read Joke >>

Akpos was taking his final exam at Police College in Kano. Here is one of the questions:

"You are on patrol in the outskirts of Kano when an explosion occurs in the township.

On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants a man and woman are injured.

You recognize the woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away on a Peace Making Mission In Sudan.

A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realize that he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery.

Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent.

Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent Canal by the explosion, and he cannot swim.

Describe in a few words what action you would take?"

Akpos thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote: "I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd, do you want to turn me to a mad man?"

Short joke - Heartless Akpos

Akpors: My dad fell in the Well.
Ekaite: Oh my God! Is he alright?
Akpors: He must be, cos he stopped calling for help since yesterday.

One word for akpos ----

Joke - The mad cow disease joke

In a rural program for farmers, there was a female reporter seeking the main cause of mad cow disease, she arranged an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter. This was what went down:

LADY REPORTER: I am here to gather as much information I can get on the possible sources of mad cow disease.

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow once in a year?"

REPORTER [embarrassed]: Well sir, that's new information, but what relationship exists between this and the mad cow saga?
FARMER: And do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?
REPORTER: This is a valuable information sir, but what about getting to the point?
FARMER: I am getting to the point, just imagine that I was playing with your tits twice a day, and screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?

Hilarious joke: hypersexual cock trouble

A Farmer buys a young cock. As soon as it comes home, it rushes and mount all the 150 Hens.

Farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 Hens, Farmer gets tense now.

"This one is trouble o", the Farmer thought.

Next day, he finds cock mounting the ducks, turkeys and parrots too.

"Ha, am I safe?" asks the farmer.

Later, he finds the cock lying pale, half-dead and vultures circling over its head.

Farmer says "You hyper-sexual bastard, you deserve this!"

The cock opens one eye and says "Sshhh! don't shout, let them land."

<collection of funny pictures on instagram and twitter... Follow @ naijacomedyclub now>

Joke: Irritating Soft meat Joke

A man walked into a hotel and ordered Jollof rice and meat, he finished eating his food and was eating his meat when he suddenly shouted and called for the manager!

MANAGER: Sir, what's the problem?

MAN: The meat you people gave me is very hard!

MANAGER: But sir our meats are well cooked there is no way it will be hard.

MAN: Ok eat it yourself and tell me how it is.

MANAGER: [eating the meat] but sir this meat is very soft, I don't know why you are complaining.

MAN: Why won't it be soft? Do you know how long I have been chewing it?

MANAGER: [Irritated] Oh My God!

If your lecturer asks you to go kneel down in front of the class during a general lecture like the boy in this photo, will you?

I saw this picture online, it was so funny to me as I kept asking myself, if it were me, would I have knelt down too!.. I'll like to also ask y'all NCC lovers this question too - if your lecturer asks you to go and kneel down in front of the class during a general lecture in school/ when you were in school, will you/ would you have obeyed???
Sincere answers please...

Don't 4get to follow us on twitter and instagram @naijacomedyclub

Watch n Download the Funniest Nigerian video animation - Gbedu dancing (alanta + kukere + azonto)

Funny Nigerian animation; gbedu dancing.. Loool..

Laugh away your sorrows.....

Laugh away your boredom - Read Funny joke; Nigerians are uncheatable

Three men—American, English and Nigerian—were
traveling by sea…
Suddenly, the devil appeared on the ship and said;
drop anything on the sea water, if I find it, I’ll eat
you, if I don’t find it, I’ll be your slave.
The American dropped a pin, devil found it and ate
him.
The English man dropped a coin, devil found it and
ate him. <!--more-->
It was finally the turn of the Nigerian.
The Nigerian man brought out his bottle of voltic
mineral water, opened it and poured a drop of water
into the sea and said to the devil:
Today na today. Oya, find the drop, itiot!!

Funny photo; what is wrong with the boy in this photo??

Do you think this young man is okay @ all!

Most Hilarious Joke of the day - Breaking pretty bad news

At dawn, the telephone rings. 

"Hello, Mr Robert? This is Asher, your country house caretaker" 

"Ah yes, Asher. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" 

"Erm...I am just calling to tell you, sir, that your parrot died" 

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" 

"That's the one." 

"Damn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well what did he die from?" 

"From eating rotten meat." 

Who killed it? Check out Kate Henshaw and Anita Isama (Paul Okoye's fiancee)'s look to Peter and Lola Okoye's wedding

More fun on NAIJA COMEDY CLUB

Natural Something Official Video By SoundSultan (Watch and Download here)

Enjoy this very interesting musical video from soundsultan featuring basketmouth, Ik Osakioduwa, Chidi Mokeme.. Video after the cut..

Whatcha say?

DOWNLOAD HERE

Funny Picture of a footballer strangling his opponent on the field during game play

Our football lovers in the hood, what card do you think this brutal offence deserves? YELLOW? RED? TO BE INTRODUCED??.....

Funny Tweet pix: When Asian people sleep in class..

True or false?

Hilarious pictures and screenshots of Nollywoods most heart-breaking gbagaun subtitles in movies - Episode 3

Hahaha!! If you've missed previous episodes, you're on a long thing.. But here's another chance to check them out again and laugh away your sorrows >>
EPISODE 1: Hilarious Collection of pictures and screenshots of Nollywood's #GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 1
EPISODE 2:  ROFL: Funniest Pictures and Screenshots of Nollywood GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 2

Continuation of the breath-seizing pictures after the cut >>

 *like seriously! she should abortion??*

ROFL: Funniest Pictures and Screenshots of Nollywood GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 2

If you haven't checked out the first episode, you're on a long thing.. Here's the link >> Hilarious Collection of pictures and screenshots of Nollywood's #GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 1
Here are more pictures after the cut..*hehe*

Hilarious Collection of pictures and screenshots of Nollywood's #GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 1

Yes ooo! Just for fun!! If you are a fan of Africa Magic, you'll be familiar with the series of funny erroneous movie subtitles they display on their movies.. I'll be sharing you some funny pictures for your viewing pleasure... *winks*.. Enjoy...
There are Links to more pictures at the end of the post...
View pics after the cut >>

Hilarious Picture of man punished by a soldier for crossing the road instead of using the pedestrian bridge

They say, police is your friend.. If soldier man punish you, you'll understand the real definition of #GOBE.

This young man is being punished by a soldier for crossing the road instead of using the pedestrian bridge..

What do you think?.. is this right or wrong?

Whats wrong with this photo - White woman hugging black-African boy [PHOTO]

How would you describe this picture if you were asked to...

I'll say, "We should love our neighbour regardless of the colour/ background"

Watcha say??