LMAO!!! I bet you'll pray for asuu's resumption after looking at this pix..

Hilarious Photo of a 65 year old man caught stealing 40 kegs of petrol, said he thought it was water

Akpos and Friends joke - Saddest Story Ever

Akpos and his two friends went to  China for
vacation. Since they were new at the place,
they had to stay in a hotel. They ended up
being on the 60th floor. The policy of the
hotel was that, at midnight, the elevator is
shut down. The next day, they rented a car
and explored the city.
They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the
hotel pass midnight. The elevators had been
shut down.
There was no other way to get to their room
than to take the stairs all the way to the 60th
floor.
The first friend said; for the first 20 floors, I
will tell jokes to keep us going. (pointing to
the second friend) you’ll say wise stories for
the next 20 floors, and (pointing to Akpos)
you will cover the final 20 floors with sad
stories.
They started telling jokes. With lots of laugh
and joy, they reached the 20th floor.
The second friend started telling stories full of
wisdom. They had learnt a lot on reaching the
40th floor.
Now it was time for sad stories. Akpos said;
my first sad story is that I forgot the key of
the room in the car.

Joke: Akpors and the chinko medicine

CHINKO MEDICINE

PG 18+ (Reader's discretion advised)

Mr Akpors - a Nigerian tourist goes on a trip to China.

While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a consultant at the National Hospital Abuja.

The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, orders some tests and tells Mr Akpors to return in two days for the results.

Akpors returns a couple of days later and the doctor says:

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

Akpors looks a little perplexed and says:

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers:

"I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

Akpors screams in horror, "EWOOO!!! AMPU.... WETIN?! I want a second opinion please doc".

The doctor replies:

"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, Akpors seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims:

"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease".

Akpors says to the doctor:

"Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:

"Stupid docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", Akpors replies in relief.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Penis fall off by itself!"

Akpors fainted!

Funny pictures of Nigerian pals praying to turn water to petrol (ROFLWKMD)

They believe if Jesus could turn water to wine, they could do likewise by turning water to petrol....lwkmd..

Describe them in your own words abeg

ROFL!!! Micheal Jackson spotted in Oshodi inside danfo last week >> See funny photo>>

He was spotted when he wanted to buy a bottle of lacasera on his way to mush in *lolz*

Lmao! What's the future of these small girls practising big madam (hilarious photo)

Lolz... Funny brats imitating big girls... The future of Naija is unpredictable..lmao

Funny picture - Negative effect of asuu strike: Young student dressed as super man ready for action

Naija guys wont kill us ooo... If this guy were to have a test the next day, do you think he'll have time for all these yeye customization s he gave himself!!

Join us on instagram and twitter @naijacomedyclub

Hilarious Photo of Pres. Goodluck looking like a Jamaican (in dreadlocks)

Credits: www.informationng.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/funny_pix_5.jpg

#Rofl - Lady Shitting (Excreta) on the road while driving (funny photo)

Davido finally opens up about Iyanya bounced off his birthday party at Pavada lounge

Its no longer a news as the rumour about the kukere master bounced off davido's birthday party (which too place on the 21at of this month) went viral over the internet.. When davido himself was asked on twitter, he replied, "no such thing ever happened Dats my brother"
See the tweet below....

We sincerely hope all is well sha ooo
..

Joke: Since Asuu strike started! Hmmm

Since ASUU strike started, we haven't seen girl's dps in hotels and classy cars of 2013 that their father cannot even buy.. even PH Loading, Abuja on Point, party on my mind, paris is de best place for your shopping, Calabar was fun... Lol Everybody dey house. Una never see anything... Snap pictures for your house na make we know who be who or your papa flat boot mecerdes Benz 1989 model... Lol...No money for brazillian hair, all babes dey on washing & setting.. No more Shawarma... Na bons & akara... Una never see anything... Christmas don reach oooo....Una go barb punk this time..

Funny Akpos Photo: English class

Laugh out extremely loud: Has the lion read the script? (FUNNY PHOTO)

Director: We're going to release the Lion, it will chase you but it won't eat you, its in the script...
Akpos: Has the lion read the script?.lolz

Funny Joke: Akpos vs Policeman - Where do you live?

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and a policeman

POLICE: Where do you live ?
AKPOS : With my parents
POLICE : Where does your parents live ?
AKPOS : With me
POLICE: Where do you all live?…
AKPOS: Together
POLICE : Where is your house?
AKPOS : Next to my neighbour’s house
POLICE : Where is your neighbour’s house ?
AKPOS: If I tell you, you won’t believe me
POLICE: Tell me
AKPOS: Next to my house

Joke of the day:- Funny Akpos joke - Send Akpos Straight to the University

A female teacher was having a problem with Akpos in her class of 3rd grade.

Akpos said ‘M’am, I should be in 4th grade, i’m smarter than my sister & she’s in the 4th grade’.

The M’am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complaints & took Akpos to the Principal’s office.

She explained everything to the Principal who decided 2 test Akpos with some questions that a 4th grade pupil should know.

Principal: What’s 3 + 3?

Akpos: 6

Principal: 6 + 6?

Akpos: 12

& so on..

The Principal asked the boy many questions & Akpos got them right.

The Principal then asked M’am 2 send Akpos to 4th grade.

M’am decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.

M’am: What does a cow have 4 of, that I’ve only 2 of?

Akpos: Legs

M’am: What’s in your pants that you have but I don’t have?

Akpos: Pockets

M’am: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid?

Akpos: Coconut

M’am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes open really wide, but b4 he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.

Akpos: Bubble Gum

M’am: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to  get me up, I get wet before you do. What am

I?

Akpos: Tent

The principal was looking restless

M’am: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when u’re bored.

The best man always has me 1st n what am I?

Akpos: Wedding Ring

M’am: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When u blow me, you feel good?

Akpos: Nose

M’am: I’ve a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver

Akpos: Arrow

M’am: What starts with ‘F’ & ends with a ‘K’ & if you don’t get it, you have to  use your hand?

Akpos:Fork

M’am: What’s it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Akpos: Surname

M’am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible for making love?

Akpos: Heart

The principal heaved a sigh of relief & told the teacher, ‘Send Akpos 2 University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!

Akpos Joke: Blackberry Porsche

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his girlfriend, Joy.

Joy: Honey, do you still love me like before?

Akpos: Yes love! My love for you will never change.

Joy: That’s my honey. I want you to buy me something.

Akpos: Just name it, baby.

Joy: It’s just one BB porsche.

Akpos: No problem. Just find out the price and let me know.

Joy: It’s #350,000.

Akpos: Is it manual or automatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?

Joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It’s a phone.

Akpos: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it will have a fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe, shey?

Joy: Are you buying it or not?

Akpos: Please I am not oh! I can’t!

Joy: Helloooooo!

Akpos: Hiiiiiiiii!

Joy: Don’t even bother again. I’will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.

Akpos: Better still, call the President, he will be faster.

Joy:(sad, crying): ‘I’m going to delete you.

Akpos: Is your phone hanging, because I have deleted you since you mentioned Porsche.

Joke: Loolz!! Dull Akpos seeks admission into the university

Akpos traveled to Lagos after his WAEC result was out so that his Uncle will help him get admission into the University of Lagos to study medicine and become a medical doctor….

The following conversation happened between them:

Akpos: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get admission into the university these days except you are well connected…

Uncle: That’s true…

Akpors: Since you are connected, I came to ask you if you can help me get admission into the university after my JAMB….

Uncle: That’s true… am connected and I will help u….

Akpors: Thank you Uncle….

Uncle: You welcome…so how is your result, is it WAEC or NECO and how many credits did you get?

Akpors: Uncle, it’s WAEC, I had only two credits in agric and Yoruba language but I failed the rest…

Uncle: Well, that’s not bad… you can still be a doctor, not a medical doctor really but native doctor (babalawo)…
You will use your credit in agric in collecting herbs from the forest, and Yoruba language for incantations…

Hahaha! Incredible Nigerian Joke: First wedding night experiences

A mum was lucky enough to see her three daughters wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of them “After your weddings, text me your first night experience and don’t forget to text it in a coded way!”

After a week, the first daughter sent ‘NESCAFE’ in an sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent ‘BENSON’. Their mum, as a ‘soji woman’ picked up a tin of Nescafe and read from d label “fantastic till d last drop!” She also went to her husband’s pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it “Extra long, king size!” she thought aloud “not too bad for them at their age”

A few days later, her third daughter’s text comes in, “Arik: Lagos – Kano!”. So Mama calls Arik Air information desk to inquire about their Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, “Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!”

Mama throws herself in the air, lands, slumps and faints shouting…”Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)”

Must See: Funny but inspiring - bullet for Jesus

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.

The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, “Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!”

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, “All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service.”

Are you for God or you're against God??

Check out this hilarious photo - Why Akpos wants to Brazil for the 2013 world cup by fire by force

Funny akpos joke: Final exam at the police college >> Read Joke >>

Akpos was taking his final exam at Police College in Kano. Here is one of the questions:

"You are on patrol in the outskirts of Kano when an explosion occurs in the township.

On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants a man and woman are injured.

You recognize the woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away on a Peace Making Mission In Sudan.

A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realize that he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery.

Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent.

Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent Canal by the explosion, and he cannot swim.

Describe in a few words what action you would take?"

Akpos thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote: "I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd, do you want to turn me to a mad man?"

Short joke - Heartless Akpos

Akpors: My dad fell in the Well.
Ekaite: Oh my God! Is he alright?
Akpors: He must be, cos he stopped calling for help since yesterday.

One word for akpos ----

Joke - The mad cow disease joke

In a rural program for farmers, there was a female reporter seeking the main cause of mad cow disease, she arranged an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter. This was what went down:

LADY REPORTER: I am here to gather as much information I can get on the possible sources of mad cow disease.

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow once in a year?"

REPORTER [embarrassed]: Well sir, that's new information, but what relationship exists between this and the mad cow saga?
FARMER: And do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?
REPORTER: This is a valuable information sir, but what about getting to the point?
FARMER: I am getting to the point, just imagine that I was playing with your tits twice a day, and screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?

Hilarious joke: hypersexual cock trouble

A Farmer buys a young cock. As soon as it comes home, it rushes and mount all the 150 Hens.

Farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 Hens, Farmer gets tense now.

"This one is trouble o", the Farmer thought.

Next day, he finds cock mounting the ducks, turkeys and parrots too.

"Ha, am I safe?" asks the farmer.

Later, he finds the cock lying pale, half-dead and vultures circling over its head.

Farmer says "You hyper-sexual bastard, you deserve this!"

The cock opens one eye and says "Sshhh! don't shout, let them land."

<collection of funny pictures on instagram and twitter... Follow @ naijacomedyclub now>

Joke: Irritating Soft meat Joke

A man walked into a hotel and ordered Jollof rice and meat, he finished eating his food and was eating his meat when he suddenly shouted and called for the manager!

MANAGER: Sir, what's the problem?

MAN: The meat you people gave me is very hard!

MANAGER: But sir our meats are well cooked there is no way it will be hard.

MAN: Ok eat it yourself and tell me how it is.

MANAGER: [eating the meat] but sir this meat is very soft, I don't know why you are complaining.

MAN: Why won't it be soft? Do you know how long I have been chewing it?

MANAGER: [Irritated] Oh My God!

If your lecturer asks you to go kneel down in front of the class during a general lecture like the boy in this photo, will you?

I saw this picture online, it was so funny to me as I kept asking myself, if it were me, would I have knelt down too!.. I'll like to also ask y'all NCC lovers this question too - if your lecturer asks you to go and kneel down in front of the class during a general lecture in school/ when you were in school, will you/ would you have obeyed???
Sincere answers please...

Don't 4get to follow us on twitter and instagram @naijacomedyclub

Watch n Download the Funniest Nigerian video animation - Gbedu dancing (alanta + kukere + azonto)

Funny Nigerian animation; gbedu dancing.. Loool..

Laugh away your sorrows.....

Laugh away your boredom - Read Funny joke; Nigerians are uncheatable

Three men—American, English and Nigerian—were
traveling by sea…
Suddenly, the devil appeared on the ship and said;
drop anything on the sea water, if I find it, I’ll eat
you, if I don’t find it, I’ll be your slave.
The American dropped a pin, devil found it and ate
him.
The English man dropped a coin, devil found it and
ate him. <!--more-->
It was finally the turn of the Nigerian.
The Nigerian man brought out his bottle of voltic
mineral water, opened it and poured a drop of water
into the sea and said to the devil:
Today na today. Oya, find the drop, itiot!!

Funny photo; what is wrong with the boy in this photo??

Do you think this young man is okay @ all!

Most Hilarious Joke of the day - Breaking pretty bad news

At dawn, the telephone rings. 

"Hello, Mr Robert? This is Asher, your country house caretaker" 

"Ah yes, Asher. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" 

"Erm...I am just calling to tell you, sir, that your parrot died" 

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" 

"That's the one." 

"Damn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well what did he die from?" 

"From eating rotten meat." 

Who killed it? Check out Kate Henshaw and Anita Isama (Paul Okoye's fiancee)'s look to Peter and Lola Okoye's wedding

More fun on NAIJA COMEDY CLUB

Natural Something Official Video By SoundSultan (Watch and Download here)

Enjoy this very interesting musical video from soundsultan featuring basketmouth, Ik Osakioduwa, Chidi Mokeme.. Video after the cut..

Whatcha say?

DOWNLOAD HERE

Funny Picture of a footballer strangling his opponent on the field during game play

Our football lovers in the hood, what card do you think this brutal offence deserves? YELLOW? RED? TO BE INTRODUCED??.....

Funny Tweet pix: When Asian people sleep in class..

True or false?

Hilarious pictures and screenshots of Nollywoods most heart-breaking gbagaun subtitles in movies - Episode 3

Hahaha!! If you've missed previous episodes, you're on a long thing.. But here's another chance to check them out again and laugh away your sorrows >>
EPISODE 1: Hilarious Collection of pictures and screenshots of Nollywood's #GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 1
EPISODE 2:  ROFL: Funniest Pictures and Screenshots of Nollywood GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 2

Continuation of the breath-seizing pictures after the cut >>

 *like seriously! she should abortion??*

ROFL: Funniest Pictures and Screenshots of Nollywood GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 2

If you haven't checked out the first episode, you're on a long thing.. Here's the link >> Hilarious Collection of pictures and screenshots of Nollywood's #GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 1
Here are more pictures after the cut..*hehe*

Hilarious Collection of pictures and screenshots of Nollywood's #GBAGAUN subtitles Episode 1

Yes ooo! Just for fun!! If you are a fan of Africa Magic, you'll be familiar with the series of funny erroneous movie subtitles they display on their movies.. I'll be sharing you some funny pictures for your viewing pleasure... *winks*.. Enjoy...
There are Links to more pictures at the end of the post...
View pics after the cut >>

Hilarious Picture of man punished by a soldier for crossing the road instead of using the pedestrian bridge

They say, police is your friend.. If soldier man punish you, you'll understand the real definition of #GOBE.

This young man is being punished by a soldier for crossing the road instead of using the pedestrian bridge..

What do you think?.. is this right or wrong?

Whats wrong with this photo - White woman hugging black-African boy [PHOTO]

How would you describe this picture if you were asked to...

I'll say, "We should love our neighbour regardless of the colour/ background"

Watcha say??

Annoying and Frustrating Messages From Nigerian Network Providers

You were probably expecting a romantic text message from your lover, a credit alert from your bank, an invitation to a job interview or test, and the likes but then your phone beeps and the excitement dies down immediately you open the message. It is unfortunately one of those disappointing messages we receive from our telecommunication service providers. They are either asking you to subscribe to jokes, health tips, caller tunes, sport news or romantic texts.

Vegetable Oil Stew Vs Palm oil stew... Which of these makes better sense?

Lets talk about stew *winks*
Vegetable oil made stew / Palm oil made stew --- Which of these do you prefer?

AMAZING!! Solar Eclipse To Occur In Nigeria Again In November 3rd, 2013.. Read for more info

THE Director-General of National Biotechnical Development Agency (NASRDA), Dr Saidu Mohammed, has said the solar eclipse, which will occur on November 3, will come with mild darkness across the 36 states of the federation.

The Director-General, who made this known during a press briefing, last Thursday in Abuja, also advised Nigerians to remain calm, as the eclipse would not affect satellite communications or air services.

The eclipse, however, will be characterised by a flush of sunlight and mild darkness during its peak. The agency has, therefore, made available at its headquarters, sunglasses, which will serve as filters for the effect of the sun.

Dr Mohammed added that: “It will be like any other day, but its effect will be felt at its peak. It is recommended you wear sunglasses. There is no need to panic,” he concluded.

Earlier in his presentation, the Director of Centre for Astronomy, University of Nsukka, Professor Felix Okpara, who outlined the various times of the eclipse across the nation said, in Abuja, the eclipse will begin by 1:03 p.m. It will be at its maximum by 2.40 p.m and it will end by 4.03 p m in the evening. In Lagos, it will begin by 12.50 p.m, its maximum level will take place by 2.40 p.m and end by 4.01p.m.

Peter Okoye's son vs Wizkid's son! Whoz Gat Hottest Swags??

Peter Okoye's son, Cameron left... vs Wizkid Ayo's son, Boluwatife - right... Whoz Gat Hottest Swags??

More photos after the cut

Top Funny Nigerian Questions Google Can Never Answer *hehe*

Hi friends,I saw these funny questions and just decided to share it; 
The expression 'google it' has become a common and sometimes, sarcastic response to a random question. 
But really,what are those questions google cannot answer? 
 Here are some funny responses; 
*Why is 'X' and 'Y' always missing in mathematics? 
*Who ate the little piece of apple in iphone? 
*Day and time of Jesus second coming. 
*How many grains of sand are on planet earth? 
*When will Chris Okotie win presidential election? 
*Who will be Nigeria's dream president? 

Haba!! Picture Of A Nigerian Policeman Cuddling A Lady in Police Uniform

What is he doing sef!!!

Laugh Away Your Stress: Shy Akpos; too scared to ask the girl of her dreams out

There was a time Akpos really loved a girl but never had the guts to tell her. One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms saying, 'I love you so much, I want to date u. Please reply and tell me how u feel.' A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was soooo scared & tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until in the morning when he is less tensed. When he woke up the next day: He said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath, combed his hair, then climbed back to his bed, balanced very comfortably and gently picked up his phone to read the message. So he started reading....... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to complete your request, kindly recharge your account and try again!. Akpos Fainted.

Funny Story: Never Argue With A Lady who reads alot.. Wanna know why? Read this >>

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?" "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with intimate assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Funny Chitchat -Dead Man Palaver.. What will you do in this scenario? #formin apart...

You went to a burial, the casket was opened for friends to pay their last respect to the deceased. You are the last person to go pay your respect. As you entered, the DECEASED rose, grabbed your hand and shouted, "COME HERE" Tell us, what are you going to do first?

Laugh Out Loud: Akpos Explaining Marketing

1. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” - That’s Direct Marketing. 2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a Gorgeous Girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. Marry him!” – That’s Advertising. 3. You are at a party and see a Gorgeous Girl. She walks up to you and says: “You are very rich! Can i marry you?” - That’s Brand Recognition. 4. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That’s Customer Feedback. 5. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband. - That’s Demand and Supply Gap. 6. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go to her and before you say: “I m rich, Marry me!”, your wife arrives. – That’s Restriction for Entering New Markets.

Brighten Up Your Morning with This Akpos joke:- Akpos the good samaritan

Akpos was in his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. AKPOS: Why are you eating grass? POOR MAN: I don't have any money for food. AKPOS: Oh, please come to my house! POOR MAN: But sir, I have a wife and four children... AKPOS: Bring them along! They all climbed into the limousine. They begin to leave POOR MAN: Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in. AKPOS: No, problem. I like feeding the hungry. The grass at my house is over five feet tall, it will be enough for you and all of your family members!.

Nicknames Of Cars By Nigerians And Their Real Brand Names and Models

NICKNAMES OF CARS BY NIGERIAN AND THEIR REAL NAMEs TOYOTA Orobo Camry- Toyota Camry 1993-1996 Tiny light/pencil Camry-Toyota Camry 1997-1999 Drop light/envelope-Toyota Camry 2000-2001 Big daddy/big 4 nothing-Toyota Camry 2002-2006 Muscle Camry-Toyota Camry 2007-2011 Corolla sport-Toyota corolla 2003-2008 HONDA Honda ala- Honda accord 1991-1993 Honda bullet-Honda accord 1993-1998(European version) Honda bull dog-Honda accord 1994-1997 Baby boy-Honda accord 1998-2002 Adidas-Honda Accord 1998-2002(European version) End of discussion(EOD)-Honda Accord 2003-2005 Discussion continues(DC)-Honda Accord 2006-2007 Evil spirit/anaconda-Honda accord 2008-2012 ---------------------------------------------------------- What kind of car do you drive? Tell us.

Joke Of The Day: Barrack Obama's Car vs Stella Oduah's Car and Their enemies

NAME: Barack Obama
OFFICE: President of the United States
ENEMIES: Al Qaeda, Hamas; Army of Islam, Ku Klux Klan; Red Brigade; Abu Sayyaf; Republican Party; U.S. War veterans; Al Badr; Baader Meinhoff; Orange Volunteers; Hezbollah; Islamic Jihad; IRA, Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia; November 17 Organization; Mohammedan Army; Ansar Dine; Taliban; Tamil Tigers Movement; Ulster Movement; Libyan L.F.G; Palestine Liberation Front; Al Shabaab.

OFFICIAL CAR: 2009 Cadillac DTS Limo a.k.a "The Beast"
QUANTITY : 1 car
PRICE: $300,000 ( N47 million)

NAME: Stella Oduah, Miss.

Photos of how the son of a politician and how the son of a voter looks like

How many believe this

New Mouth-Brushing Method For Those With Terrible Mouth Odour..

Schrubing brush + closse up = white teeth + fresh breath + .......

Just a piece of advice.. No hard feelings ooo

Asuu Strike Gone Spiritual: The People Behind Asuu Strike Now..

Their requirement to end ASUU strike: Asuu, produce six undergraduate virgins and FG will meet your demands...

ROFL: Nollywood Miracle That Turned Water To Wine

These people won't kill us o abeg!!! How did water turn to wine *thinking* :-D

The Cheat-code Inside Peter's Habatical Micheal Jackson Anti-gravity fall stunt..

This is so clear and glearing!! are we learners! *straight face*

BuHAHAHA! What Kinda Wedding Pics Pose is This oooo!! OMG

Oya, give this pix a title sharperly....

Health Talk: What the Color of Your Urine Says About Hidden Problems in Your Body

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

(HEALTH EDUCATION)

What the Color of Your Urine Says About Hidden Problems in Your Body

Clear or light yellow
This is an ideal urine color. If you see very light yellow or clear urine, it means you are very well hydrated and the body is functioning the way it should be. This usually happens when a person drinks lots of water.

Yellow
If you see plain yellow urine, it means your body is not very well hydrated. It could be due to excessive sweating or low hydration. Hence, it indicates that you should be drinking more of liquids to avoid dehydration.

Dark yellow
Due to intake of some medications, your urine may turn dark yellow. If you notice this color, then seek medical assistance immediately, because it is a sign of medical problems like liver disorders and hepatitis.

Milky-white
This color is due to growth of bacteria in the urinary tract. It indicates urinary tract infection or presence of kidney stones.

Red or pink
Red or pink urine could be because of consumption of food made with red dye or natural red color food like beetroot and blackberries. In more serious terms, it could indicate blood getting in the urine. The reason could be problems in the urinary system, kidney stones or strenuous or aerobic exercise, which can cause the breakdown of red blood cells.

Orange
Medication used to ease urinary problem can cause the urine to turn orange. Besides, consumption of carrots or carrot juice can give a tinge of orange color to your urine.

Blue or green
A common dye found in many urinary related medicines can turn your urine blue or green. Blue or green urine can be seen because of consumption of food made with artificial coloring or if you have eaten loads of asparagus.

Under most normal circumstances a slight change in the color of your urine is nothing to worry about. If the color continues for more than 24 hours and has any other accompanying symptoms, the best bet is to be safe and consult a doctor as soon as possible.

Source: Web

STAY HEALTHY... HEALTH IS WEALTH!!

Funny pix: Searching for Mr. Right on google

INTERESTING: The Most Romantic statement you can ever say to a Nigerian Girl?

Which of these Is The Most Romantic statement you can ever say to a Nigerian Girl?
1. I love you
2. I can die for you 
3. Send your account number 
4. I want to marry you

Talk Time: You suddenly rest your back on this kind of tree, what will you do?

Assuming You're In the Woods, you got tired and feel like resting your back against a tree... Then you rest on one.. You suddenly look back at the tree you were resting on then you saw this shape of an owl on the tree... As a Nigerian, what will be your first reaction???

Only True Naija Blood Know This Answer - What Kind Of Solution Is This??

What is this mixture called?

Join us on: https://www.facebook.com/NaijaComedyClub

READ AND LAUGH - Naija Police Jokes Collection: You can barely escape accusations from Naija policemen

You can barely escape accusations from a Naija Policeman.

‪#‎9jaPoliceBeLike‬ why z ur laptop bag empty,u want to steal laptop and kip it in d bag abi, oga ade, enta motor

#9jaPoliceBeLike ur car radio is playing "ema dami duro" young man, if u want to say smt, you better say it directly!!!

#9jaPoliceBeLike PARK!!! I say PARK!!! I say Park there my frend!!! *lowers voice* wetin boys go chop na?

#9japolicebelike young man may we know u, sergeant Bature give am one.

#9japolicebelike you last received call was 13:30, you have been making calls for the past 13 hours and driving. PARK ! ! !

Childhood Songs, Lyrics and Poems We Really Missed Their Correct Lyrics Back In Those Days

LET'S HAVE FUN

(Decided to repost after many requests)

We can't deny the fact that as kids, wetin concern us with lyrics?...lol. We sang nonsense!!! As far as we get the nearest word for the sound made in the song/poem, we're good to go. No be so?

Which can u remember? bring them on! I bet everyone had different versions of lyrics... LOL

~ "Hip, mother hip.. Mother hipopo..
Pio pio mother hipopo and tm tm mother hipopotamous..!!!..."

~ "Our father two times eleven"

~ "Praise the lord, osingo osingo.... praise d Lord..."

~ "Jangilova epo motor..."

Joke Of The Day: Nigerians are the wisest on Earth.. Read this to confirm

An American and a Nigerian are
sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The American is thinking that Nigerians are
so dumb that he can fool them easy. . .
So he asks if the
Nigerian would like to play a fun game.
The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and tries to
catch a few winks. The American persists
and says that the game is a lot of fun.

Funny Question: How much do you think her bride price should cost??

1. If a lady's bre*st has been pressed
more
than the tv remote in your parlour....
2. If the number of men she has slept
with
is more than her age..
How much do you think her bride
price
should cost??

Akpos Joke: The white house contract and the 3 contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the white house, where Barack obama Lives.
The 1st from INDIA, the 2nd from CHINA & the 3rd akpos from Nigeria.They go with White House official to examine the fence.

The Indian takes out a tape & did some measuring, works some figures "Well", he says, "I figure the job will cost $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my teamv& $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese does some measuring & figuring, says,"I can do it for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team & $100 profit for me)".
Akpos did not even measure or figure out anything, but he walks around the White House & whispers "$2,700." The official says, "You didn't even measure how did you come up with such a high figure?" Akpos whispers "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, & $700 to hire the Chinese to do the job."


Naija no dey carry last....

If Your Car Stops while going on a date, Should She Get Out And Push with You or Keep Flexing? - Romance

-As a guy, you're cruising a new babe to a date then  suddenly, your car stops.. Will you ask her to join you in pushing the car or she should just keep flexing in the car while you push alone??
-As a girl, will you join in pushing the car??

Dummest Question Of The Day - Who sang Skelewu by davido? Help A Fellow Nigerian lolz

Funny News: NYSC to pay Virgins N50,000 as Monthly Allowance

NYSC To Pay Virgins 50,000 Naira As Monthly Allowance

It’s good news for Virgins who are currently partaking in this year’s National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) program as President Goodluck Jonathan through the NYSC Director General, Brig. Gen. Nnamdi Okorie-Affia has just announced that, instead of N19,800, Virgin Corps Members will be receiving N50,000 as monthly allowance.

The President said it was an incentive for “Girls to keep themselves for their husbands” and also as a way of congratulating girls who “managed to keep their hymens intact in such a trying times as we have today”.

Happy EID UL ADHA TO ALL LAUGHNIGERIA'S MUSLIM READERS

The Eid ul-Adha is a major religious event in the lives of Muslims. Usually, communities celebrate this occasion over a period of several days.

Can You Guess Who The Big Man In This Old Skool Photo Is??