Annoying and Frustrating Messages From Nigerian Network Providers

You were probably expecting a romantic text message from your lover, a credit alert from your bank, an invitation to a job interview or test, and the likes but then your phone beeps and the excitement dies down immediately you open the message. It is unfortunately one of those disappointing messages we receive from our telecommunication service providers. They are either asking you to subscribe to jokes, health tips, caller tunes, sport news or romantic texts.

Vegetable Oil Stew Vs Palm oil stew... Which of these makes better sense?

Lets talk about stew *winks*
Vegetable oil made stew / Palm oil made stew --- Which of these do you prefer?

AMAZING!! Solar Eclipse To Occur In Nigeria Again In November 3rd, 2013.. Read for more info

THE Director-General of National Biotechnical Development Agency (NASRDA), Dr Saidu Mohammed, has said the solar eclipse, which will occur on November 3, will come with mild darkness across the 36 states of the federation.

The Director-General, who made this known during a press briefing, last Thursday in Abuja, also advised Nigerians to remain calm, as the eclipse would not affect satellite communications or air services.

The eclipse, however, will be characterised by a flush of sunlight and mild darkness during its peak. The agency has, therefore, made available at its headquarters, sunglasses, which will serve as filters for the effect of the sun.

Dr Mohammed added that: “It will be like any other day, but its effect will be felt at its peak. It is recommended you wear sunglasses. There is no need to panic,” he concluded.

Earlier in his presentation, the Director of Centre for Astronomy, University of Nsukka, Professor Felix Okpara, who outlined the various times of the eclipse across the nation said, in Abuja, the eclipse will begin by 1:03 p.m. It will be at its maximum by 2.40 p.m and it will end by 4.03 p m in the evening. In Lagos, it will begin by 12.50 p.m, its maximum level will take place by 2.40 p.m and end by 4.01p.m.

Peter Okoye's son vs Wizkid's son! Whoz Gat Hottest Swags??

Peter Okoye's son, Cameron left... vs Wizkid Ayo's son, Boluwatife - right... Whoz Gat Hottest Swags??

More photos after the cut

Top Funny Nigerian Questions Google Can Never Answer *hehe*

Hi friends,I saw these funny questions and just decided to share it; 
The expression 'google it' has become a common and sometimes, sarcastic response to a random question. 
But really,what are those questions google cannot answer? 
 Here are some funny responses; 
*Why is 'X' and 'Y' always missing in mathematics? 
*Who ate the little piece of apple in iphone? 
*Day and time of Jesus second coming. 
*How many grains of sand are on planet earth? 
*When will Chris Okotie win presidential election? 
*Who will be Nigeria's dream president? 

Haba!! Picture Of A Nigerian Policeman Cuddling A Lady in Police Uniform

What is he doing sef!!!

Laugh Away Your Stress: Shy Akpos; too scared to ask the girl of her dreams out

There was a time Akpos really loved a girl but never had the guts to tell her. One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms saying, 'I love you so much, I want to date u. Please reply and tell me how u feel.' A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was soooo scared & tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until in the morning when he is less tensed. When he woke up the next day: He said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath, combed his hair, then climbed back to his bed, balanced very comfortably and gently picked up his phone to read the message. So he started reading....... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to complete your request, kindly recharge your account and try again!. Akpos Fainted.

Funny Story: Never Argue With A Lady who reads alot.. Wanna know why? Read this >>

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?" "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with intimate assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Funny Chitchat -Dead Man Palaver.. What will you do in this scenario? #formin apart...

You went to a burial, the casket was opened for friends to pay their last respect to the deceased. You are the last person to go pay your respect. As you entered, the DECEASED rose, grabbed your hand and shouted, "COME HERE" Tell us, what are you going to do first?

Laugh Out Loud: Akpos Explaining Marketing

1. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” - That’s Direct Marketing. 2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a Gorgeous Girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. Marry him!” – That’s Advertising. 3. You are at a party and see a Gorgeous Girl. She walks up to you and says: “You are very rich! Can i marry you?” - That’s Brand Recognition. 4. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That’s Customer Feedback. 5. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband. - That’s Demand and Supply Gap. 6. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go to her and before you say: “I m rich, Marry me!”, your wife arrives. – That’s Restriction for Entering New Markets.

Brighten Up Your Morning with This Akpos joke:- Akpos the good samaritan

Akpos was in his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. AKPOS: Why are you eating grass? POOR MAN: I don't have any money for food. AKPOS: Oh, please come to my house! POOR MAN: But sir, I have a wife and four children... AKPOS: Bring them along! They all climbed into the limousine. They begin to leave POOR MAN: Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in. AKPOS: No, problem. I like feeding the hungry. The grass at my house is over five feet tall, it will be enough for you and all of your family members!.

Nicknames Of Cars By Nigerians And Their Real Brand Names and Models

NICKNAMES OF CARS BY NIGERIAN AND THEIR REAL NAMEs TOYOTA Orobo Camry- Toyota Camry 1993-1996 Tiny light/pencil Camry-Toyota Camry 1997-1999 Drop light/envelope-Toyota Camry 2000-2001 Big daddy/big 4 nothing-Toyota Camry 2002-2006 Muscle Camry-Toyota Camry 2007-2011 Corolla sport-Toyota corolla 2003-2008 HONDA Honda ala- Honda accord 1991-1993 Honda bullet-Honda accord 1993-1998(European version) Honda bull dog-Honda accord 1994-1997 Baby boy-Honda accord 1998-2002 Adidas-Honda Accord 1998-2002(European version) End of discussion(EOD)-Honda Accord 2003-2005 Discussion continues(DC)-Honda Accord 2006-2007 Evil spirit/anaconda-Honda accord 2008-2012 ---------------------------------------------------------- What kind of car do you drive? Tell us.

Joke Of The Day: Barrack Obama's Car vs Stella Oduah's Car and Their enemies

NAME: Barack Obama
OFFICE: President of the United States
ENEMIES: Al Qaeda, Hamas; Army of Islam, Ku Klux Klan; Red Brigade; Abu Sayyaf; Republican Party; U.S. War veterans; Al Badr; Baader Meinhoff; Orange Volunteers; Hezbollah; Islamic Jihad; IRA, Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia; November 17 Organization; Mohammedan Army; Ansar Dine; Taliban; Tamil Tigers Movement; Ulster Movement; Libyan L.F.G; Palestine Liberation Front; Al Shabaab.

OFFICIAL CAR: 2009 Cadillac DTS Limo a.k.a "The Beast"
QUANTITY : 1 car
PRICE: $300,000 ( N47 million)

NAME: Stella Oduah, Miss.

Photos of how the son of a politician and how the son of a voter looks like

How many believe this

New Mouth-Brushing Method For Those With Terrible Mouth Odour..

Schrubing brush + closse up = white teeth + fresh breath + .......

Just a piece of advice.. No hard feelings ooo

Asuu Strike Gone Spiritual: The People Behind Asuu Strike Now..

Their requirement to end ASUU strike: Asuu, produce six undergraduate virgins and FG will meet your demands...

ROFL: Nollywood Miracle That Turned Water To Wine

These people won't kill us o abeg!!! How did water turn to wine *thinking* :-D

The Cheat-code Inside Peter's Habatical Micheal Jackson Anti-gravity fall stunt..

This is so clear and glearing!! are we learners! *straight face*

BuHAHAHA! What Kinda Wedding Pics Pose is This oooo!! OMG

Oya, give this pix a title sharperly....

Health Talk: What the Color of Your Urine Says About Hidden Problems in Your Body

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

(HEALTH EDUCATION)

What the Color of Your Urine Says About Hidden Problems in Your Body

Clear or light yellow
This is an ideal urine color. If you see very light yellow or clear urine, it means you are very well hydrated and the body is functioning the way it should be. This usually happens when a person drinks lots of water.

Yellow
If you see plain yellow urine, it means your body is not very well hydrated. It could be due to excessive sweating or low hydration. Hence, it indicates that you should be drinking more of liquids to avoid dehydration.

Dark yellow
Due to intake of some medications, your urine may turn dark yellow. If you notice this color, then seek medical assistance immediately, because it is a sign of medical problems like liver disorders and hepatitis.

Milky-white
This color is due to growth of bacteria in the urinary tract. It indicates urinary tract infection or presence of kidney stones.

Red or pink
Red or pink urine could be because of consumption of food made with red dye or natural red color food like beetroot and blackberries. In more serious terms, it could indicate blood getting in the urine. The reason could be problems in the urinary system, kidney stones or strenuous or aerobic exercise, which can cause the breakdown of red blood cells.

Orange
Medication used to ease urinary problem can cause the urine to turn orange. Besides, consumption of carrots or carrot juice can give a tinge of orange color to your urine.

Blue or green
A common dye found in many urinary related medicines can turn your urine blue or green. Blue or green urine can be seen because of consumption of food made with artificial coloring or if you have eaten loads of asparagus.

Under most normal circumstances a slight change in the color of your urine is nothing to worry about. If the color continues for more than 24 hours and has any other accompanying symptoms, the best bet is to be safe and consult a doctor as soon as possible.

Source: Web

STAY HEALTHY... HEALTH IS WEALTH!!

Funny pix: Searching for Mr. Right on google

INTERESTING: The Most Romantic statement you can ever say to a Nigerian Girl?

Which of these Is The Most Romantic statement you can ever say to a Nigerian Girl?
1. I love you
2. I can die for you 
3. Send your account number 
4. I want to marry you

Talk Time: You suddenly rest your back on this kind of tree, what will you do?

Assuming You're In the Woods, you got tired and feel like resting your back against a tree... Then you rest on one.. You suddenly look back at the tree you were resting on then you saw this shape of an owl on the tree... As a Nigerian, what will be your first reaction???

Only True Naija Blood Know This Answer - What Kind Of Solution Is This??

What is this mixture called?

Join us on: https://www.facebook.com/NaijaComedyClub

READ AND LAUGH - Naija Police Jokes Collection: You can barely escape accusations from Naija policemen

You can barely escape accusations from a Naija Policeman.

‪#‎9jaPoliceBeLike‬ why z ur laptop bag empty,u want to steal laptop and kip it in d bag abi, oga ade, enta motor

#9jaPoliceBeLike ur car radio is playing "ema dami duro" young man, if u want to say smt, you better say it directly!!!

#9jaPoliceBeLike PARK!!! I say PARK!!! I say Park there my frend!!! *lowers voice* wetin boys go chop na?

#9japolicebelike young man may we know u, sergeant Bature give am one.

#9japolicebelike you last received call was 13:30, you have been making calls for the past 13 hours and driving. PARK ! ! !

Childhood Songs, Lyrics and Poems We Really Missed Their Correct Lyrics Back In Those Days

LET'S HAVE FUN

(Decided to repost after many requests)

We can't deny the fact that as kids, wetin concern us with lyrics?...lol. We sang nonsense!!! As far as we get the nearest word for the sound made in the song/poem, we're good to go. No be so?

Which can u remember? bring them on! I bet everyone had different versions of lyrics... LOL

~ "Hip, mother hip.. Mother hipopo..
Pio pio mother hipopo and tm tm mother hipopotamous..!!!..."

~ "Our father two times eleven"

~ "Praise the lord, osingo osingo.... praise d Lord..."

~ "Jangilova epo motor..."

Joke Of The Day: Nigerians are the wisest on Earth.. Read this to confirm

An American and a Nigerian are
sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The American is thinking that Nigerians are
so dumb that he can fool them easy. . .
So he asks if the
Nigerian would like to play a fun game.
The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and tries to
catch a few winks. The American persists
and says that the game is a lot of fun.

Funny Question: How much do you think her bride price should cost??

1. If a lady's bre*st has been pressed
more
than the tv remote in your parlour....
2. If the number of men she has slept
with
is more than her age..
How much do you think her bride
price
should cost??

Akpos Joke: The white house contract and the 3 contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the white house, where Barack obama Lives.
The 1st from INDIA, the 2nd from CHINA & the 3rd akpos from Nigeria.They go with White House official to examine the fence.

The Indian takes out a tape & did some measuring, works some figures "Well", he says, "I figure the job will cost $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my teamv& $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese does some measuring & figuring, says,"I can do it for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team & $100 profit for me)".
Akpos did not even measure or figure out anything, but he walks around the White House & whispers "$2,700." The official says, "You didn't even measure how did you come up with such a high figure?" Akpos whispers "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, & $700 to hire the Chinese to do the job."


Naija no dey carry last....

If Your Car Stops while going on a date, Should She Get Out And Push with You or Keep Flexing? - Romance

-As a guy, you're cruising a new babe to a date then  suddenly, your car stops.. Will you ask her to join you in pushing the car or she should just keep flexing in the car while you push alone??
-As a girl, will you join in pushing the car??

Dummest Question Of The Day - Who sang Skelewu by davido? Help A Fellow Nigerian lolz

Funny News: NYSC to pay Virgins N50,000 as Monthly Allowance

NYSC To Pay Virgins 50,000 Naira As Monthly Allowance

It’s good news for Virgins who are currently partaking in this year’s National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) program as President Goodluck Jonathan through the NYSC Director General, Brig. Gen. Nnamdi Okorie-Affia has just announced that, instead of N19,800, Virgin Corps Members will be receiving N50,000 as monthly allowance.

The President said it was an incentive for “Girls to keep themselves for their husbands” and also as a way of congratulating girls who “managed to keep their hymens intact in such a trying times as we have today”.

Happy EID UL ADHA TO ALL LAUGHNIGERIA'S MUSLIM READERS

The Eid ul-Adha is a major religious event in the lives of Muslims. Usually, communities celebrate this occasion over a period of several days.

Can You Guess Who The Big Man In This Old Skool Photo Is??

Photos Of The World's Most Expensive Toilet Gold Seat Worth What Do You Think?? 1.6 Billion Naira

Here are the photos of the most expensive toilet made of Gold worth $10 Million (N1,601,000,000). The toilet is 24 karat Gold, one of the most talked about items on display and it was manufactured in Japan.

View pics after the cut.. >>>

JOKE OF THE DAY: AKPOS CASTRATED

Akpos went to the hospital and asked to be castrated.

DOCTOR: Sir, are you sure this is what you want?
AKPOS: Yes my mind is made up, I am ready.

After the procedure he walked out feeling sore, on his way out he met another man also feeling sore.

AKPOS: Did you get castrated as well?
MAN: No, I came to get circumcised.

Akpos: Oh my God! That's the word! Doctor! Doctor.

Hilarious Joke: Akpos The Number 1 Naija Citizen

Akpos was arrested by the police and taken to court.
Magistrate: Akpos, you were arrested on the expressway for
abruptly stopping your car in the middle of the road and causing
10 other vehicles behind you to run into one another thereby
causing damages and injuries, Are you guilty or not?
Akpos: I’m not guilty sir.
Magistrate: What is your defence?
Akpos: I heard the National Anthem on the car radio and as a
good citizen, i stopped immediately and stood at attention…

One Word For Akpos

Why Are Women So Attracted To Men In Cars?

Funny Peeps! Ladies, Can you fight like this for your Man? Guys, if Your Ladies are Fighting like this, what will you do?

To my Ladies in the hood... Can you fight another lady like this in the street for your man??

Guys, if your ladies are fighting this way because of you, what will you do??

What is Brother Kanye West looking at in this photo abeg!!!

They both attended a party together and the camera got Sir Kanye starring at his property.. *winks*

Read This! Do These Kind Of Girls Still Exist?

She doesn't drink,
She doesn't smoke,
She doesn't go out,
She is still a virgin,
She has never kissed,
She doesn't ask for money,
She doesn't play around with guys,
So beautiful and trustworthy
She is very kind,
She is very adorable and curvy.....
Do such girls really EXIST?

Meet KIDDY, the winner of the Skelewu dance competition.. PHOTOS AND VIDEO

A life changing situation.. Bello Moshood Abiola aka Kiddy Mizzy wins Davido's skelewu dance competition. Photos of him with his whooping 3,000 dollars.. Clap for yourself kid...

Watch his video as he dances away his sorrow.... ahaha

Check out Photos of Wizkid's Before And After -

Wizkid when he was in secondary school and Now... What do you notice??

Funny Story: Furious Girlfriend Makes Cheating Boyfriend Kneel In The Street While She Slaps, Humiliates Him (photos)

A Chinese woman has been arrested after forcing her boyfriend to kneel in the street and repeatedly slapping him around the face.

The assault happened last Friday in the Kowloon City area of Hong Kong, after Chui, the boyfriend, took a girl to his flat despite the fact he was going out with Cheng, the slapper.

MORE PHOTOS >>>

FUNNY PHOTO: Naija Papa On Bump Shorts - Describe This Picture

PHOTO: FUNKE AKINDELE (JENIFA) AND MERCY JOHNSON FIGHT OVER BREAD (PATHETIC)

Joke: Why I Love You Akpos

Akpos' father died and left him all his wealth. A week later his life-long crush, Sandra, finally accepted to be his girlfriend. Akpos wanted to find out if she truly loved him.

So he asked her "Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?"

She smiled and said "No, stupid," then she kissed him and continued "I would love you no matter who left you the money!"

Why I Hate My Boyfriend

GIRL: I hate my boyfriend!
BOY: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm available.
[Girl stands to leave]

Very Funny Job Application

Dear Sir,

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.

Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.

IMAGINE HAVING SOMEONE LIKE THIS AS YOUR HOUSE MAID.. HOW DO YOU SEE YOUR HOME??

Ladies, can you take someone like this as your house maid? 

Guys, is it wrong having someone like this as your house maid?

Your comments are valuable to us...

The Best Place To Think About Your Future

A philosopher once said, the toilet is the best place to think about your future.. Do you believe this is true or false??

[Funny Question] Your Friend Was Chasing You In The Dream! What Will You Do??

OLUSEGUNADEX;
Please just answer this….
U went to a friends place and decided to spend the night there then u both were sleeping that night and u started dreaming where that same friend was chasing you with a machete you were running so fast then you woke up u turned to your friend’s direction and saw him already awake and he said this to you 
FOR YOUR SMALL MIND NW U SABI RUN ABI..

What will you do next?

JOKE: Akpos The Teacher and the Dumbest Students Ever..

Akpos: “who is the minister of education?”
Children: “Mrs Dame Patience Jonathan”
Akpos: “who is CBN governor?”
Children: “Aliko Dangote”
Akpos; “who is the minister for information?”.
Children: “Mike Adenuga”
Akpos; “who is the minister for sports.
Children: “Stephen keshi”.
Akpos: “Correct! who composed the national anthem of Nigeria”
Children: “wizkid”
Akpos: “correct” what is 2 X 5?

JOKE: Women Are Stubborn - Read this if you don't believe

A couple watching a Premier League match together. 

After five minutes: 

Wife: Is that Saint Obi? 
Husband: No. He is Michel Obi. Saint Obi is a Nollywood Actor. 

Wife: Michel Obi is smart. He should be in Nollywood movies like his brother. 
Husband: He does not have a Nollywood actor brother. 

Wife: See Another Goal in less than a minute.
Husband: No. It is called action replay.

Wife: Looks like Enyimba is going to win this match.
Husband: It is not Enyimba. It is Man U vs Chelsea.

Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a Firing Squad.
Husband: He is called a centre referee and he is not calling for a firing Squad. It's a free Kick.